the line up
Oh the Joy!
This past weekend my extended family gathered at my brother and sister-in-law’s cabin for a weekend of working on house projects and time together. It was a wonderful weekend filled to the brim and leaving all of us in bed early Sunday night.
On Sunday morning, we were making a list of the tasks we wanted to complete before we left. We added to the list a family photo. At lunch, we realized someone had to get going, and I quickly jumped to bring everyone together. This meant finishing last minute bites of lunch, and finding the kids who were off in the woods building some form of fort.
The spot was selected and everyone lined up to capture the weekend. At that moment, my five-year-old nephew refused to be in the photo. He was standing in defiance refusing to line up.
Now comes the bribing of cookies, the guilt of you “not wanting to be a part of our family”, the begging, ect. We were all frustrated, and his dad grabbed him up by the arms. Dad was then assaulted with slugs to the face, kicks and screams. We all stood smiling at the camera while judging this little boy for what we all deemed his need for control.
The Line Up (I’ve intentionally overexposed the image for privacy of my family members)
The photo is over and we giggled, “Well, that will be a memory!”
I’m assuming you too have experienced a similar moment.
The photo is over, the hugs delivered and the first family member heads out. This is when the real story comes out. He didn’t want to be in the picture because he knew as soon as the photo was taken, the weekend was over. Through crocodile tears, he expressed that he didn’t want anyone to leave, he NEVER wanted to leave, he wanted our whole family to be together forever.
His defiance was a deep seeded need for family and connection. He knew what that photo represented, the end. In his mind, if the photo wasn’t taken, the weekend wouldn’t end and that was precisely what he wanted.
Instantly, our attitude turned from judgement to heartwarming love. We received the why and now this act of defiance was the sweetest thing we had ever heard! We were the ones who were in the wrong, We were the ones who chose to see it as an act of noncompliance as negative. Once we slowed down enough to listen, we learned the lessons only a five-year-old can teach us about the importance of community, connection and family.
This moment connected to a conversation I had with my mom out on the trails where we acknowledged that children are inherently good. They misbehave when they are trying to achieve a need. They lash out and assert themselves in undesirable ways to capture our attention. The issue is not the child, but the adult who is not listening. We need to listen to the child to hear and understand what is the actual issue.
This moment made me reflect, where are moments where I act out in my 38-year-old ways to assert my control, when do I behave badly as a form of frustration. I know I still do this, I catch myself in the action. But I too, need a loving ear, patient presence and the time to acknowledge what I truly desire.
This Week’s A Door Within:
Why do I act out?
How does my need for control flare?
When frustrated, why do people assume, verses listen?
♥ Ashley
